Fairytale Mayhem
by KoolKitty
Summary: This 'story' is really a play about the fairytale princes and princesses. I wrote it with a friend. Alice and Wonderland and The Fairy Godmother, and the Wicked Witch show up too! Read this and see if you like it. Please review too!
1. Act I

Act I  
  
1.1 Scene I  
  
1.1.1  
  
(All princesses are seated with Alice sitting in the middle. They pretend to talk)  
  
  
  
Narrator It was just another ordinary tea party at Alice's Wonderland. All the beautiful princesses were enjoying their four o' clock tea, chattering happily to one another. Little did they know that danger was about to strike… and strike it did...  
  
  
  
Alice Hello, fair ladies! I hope you are enjoying your tea. Dear Rapunzel, you simply must tell me what shampoo you use.  
  
  
  
Rapunzel It is simply the best!  
  
  
  
Alice Well, I suppose it must be, but what is the brand name?  
  
  
  
Rapunzel Why, it's Clinic All Clear! I never leave hoe without it. (Takes out bottle and flashes it in front of the audience.) Now you know why it is so easy for Prince Climb-a-lot to climb upon my golden tresses. That prince just loves his harnesses. No wonder they call him Climb-a- lot.  
  
  
  
Alice Yes, I can see why he is called that. Cinderella, I simply do not mean to be an awful gossip, but I hear that your prince, Sandalman, loves your shoes more than he loves you!  
  
  
  
Cinderella (Replying to Alice) Well, who could blame him? I have the most fabulous taste in shoes! Not that I am saying those rumors are true! He would never love my shoes more than he loves me.  
  
  
  
Thumbelina Listen to this. The Fairy Prince, Forget-a-lot to you all, has a memory span of two seconds. Why just yesterday, he tied the flea's collar around his neck, and gave the leash to our pet flea! How he managed to forget that he was a fairy and the flea was a flea is completely beyond me. What goes on in the mind of that fairy is a complete mystery. Bless him! The only thankful thing is that he is just as small as I am. I find myself still stunned that he found me in the flower when he did. It must be a terrible problem for you, Snow White. Prince Luv-e- rest seems taller than Mt. Everest. Or maybe it seems like that because I am smaller than a flower petal… (Alice tries to muffle a giggle)  
  
  
  
Snow White Oh no, he is tall. Even for me. Do you know that the architects we hired to build our castle are tearing their hair out? They just cannot decide on how tall the doorway should be. Prince Luv-e-rest has bumped his head so many times that it will not be long before he will be a million times more forgetful than your Fairy Prince is.  
  
  
  
Thumbelina No, I do not think that can happen. Fairy Prince just outdoes everyone. (Sigh) Maybe Forget-a-lot was washing his wings when they were handing out memory cards. The only remarkable thing is that he is the best fairy at the card game. But then, I think he is the only fairy who knows how to play.  
  
  
  
Frog Princess You think you have got problems? Poor Briar Rose and I have far worse ones. My Prince Pucker-Lips is driving me batty with his kissing. He kisses everything but me! Just the other week, he tried to kiss a duck! The duck nearly bit off his lips. And just ask Briar Rose about her problem…  
  
  
  
Briar Rose I sometimes wonder why they call me the Sleeping Beauty. They really should call prince Rock-a-bye the Sleeping Handsome. All His Highness does is sleep! It is terrible. Once, I was planning to go out, and had told him to watch over the castle. A soon as I had left, he drifted into Dreamland. Soon after, five thieves came and stole my favorite pillow! I never let him forget that!  
  
  
  
Alice Thank god I do not have a prince! He would probably start redecorating Wonderland! But really ladies, it is simply a ball to have you all here this evening. We really must do this again sometime. And you will bring along your fabulous princes, won't you? Somehow, I wish I had invited them today, too!  
  
  
  
Wicked Witch What? Did I hear the word 'invite'? First, there was Sleeping Ugly's birth ceremony, and now this stuuuupid tea party…. What is with you people? Doesn't anybody ever consider inviting the poor, old, wicked witch? So what if I poisoned Tar Black, or whom you so fondly call Snow White. Do you want to know a secret? She puts on white paint! She really is not that fair! (The others gasp in horror and whisper to one another)  
  
  
  
Snow White That is not true! And you know it!  
  
  
  
Wicked Witch Bah! Silence you nitwit! Well I have had enough of this poppycock! It is time I punished you peahens once and for all… I hereby curse Your Lownesses! You will no longer go back to your respective places, for I have mixed up your lovely fairytales, and you all will not know the difference! Now, be gone… for I have more mayhem to cause in other parts of the world.  
  
  
  
(Princesses twirl out of sight while Alice, weeping, exits stage. Witch glides off in opposite direction cackling)  
  
  
  
1.2 End of Scene I  
  
  
  
  
  
1.3 Scene II  
  
  
  
Narrator A scheme as wicked as this has never in the history of fairytales been hatched. What are the princesses to do? Will there be no hope for them? Are they doomed to live Unhappily Ever After? But wait! There still is hope! Why, through the help of the Fairy Godmother, of course! Don't any of you remember? She is the one who gave Cinderella that beautiful dress and those gorgeous glass slippers! Maybe she will be able to set things right.  
  
  
  
(While the narrator is speaking, the props have been moved off and the background changed. After the paragraph is finished, the Fairy Godmother walks on stage.)  
  
  
  
Godmother (Sitting on her chair and gazing into the crystal ball) Oh, what has that preposterous old windbag done his time? Played the old 'switcheroo' has she? Well this old fairy is not going to sit around twiddling her thumbs. I am going to set things right as soon as they reach their respective switches. The only problem is, how on earth will I know which princess is which? I have only worked for Cinderella so far. (Giggles softly) It would be nice to see how it turns out though. Goodness knows when I could do with a little laugh. Oh dear! (Walks off stage)  
  
  
  
Narrator It is a good thing that not all fairies are evil witches! Maybe there is some hope for the princesses and their princes after all. Let us take a peek at how our royal mix-ups are faring.  
  
  
  
1.4 End of Scene I  
  
2 End of Act I 


	2. Act II

Act II  
  
1.1 Scene I  
  
Narrator In Thumbelina's story…  
  
  
  
Forget-a-lot (Walks on stage lightly) Oh, light-hearted one, it is time for our 10pm breakfast! Where are you my sweet?  
  
  
  
Frog Princess (Walks on stage with her hands on her hips) 10pm breakfast? And how have you gotten over your laryngitis? You are not croaking at all!  
  
  
  
Forget-a-lot (Scratches head) What are you talking about? I am a fairy, not a frog! I sing but I do not croak. I am the Prince of the Air, but not of the Lily pads. I can fly but cannot hop.  
  
Frog Princess Fairy? What has gotten into you? Have you traded your brain for a voice? Or maybe you have just been thrown against the wall one too many times.  
  
Forget-a-lot Very funny. Oh, really witty. But what on earth has happened to you? You are so, so, enormously gigantic! What has that Alice been feeding you?  
  
Frog Princess How dare you insult me in such a manner! Me, fat! I am perfectly fit and healthy. When I first met you, you seemed so intelligent, but now, I wonder what could have happened. Why, even all the King's horses and not all the King's men would dare to make such a statement!  
  
Forget-a-lot What Kings? What horses? And what MEN? Oh, I know, you must have left your diary in Wonderland so I can no longer read it… oops. I did not mention your diary! Oh, dear, you look so beautiful today… yuck…  
  
Frog Princess (Interrupts him) You read my diary! Can't a princess keep some secrets to herself? Besides, what is the use of telling secrets to a pint-sized prince? The least that could have happened is that you could have turned into a full-sized prince and not a frog-sized one.  
  
Forget-a-lot How many times must I tell you? I am a fairy not a frog! And you think my size is disproportionate? Just take a look at how extra- large you are! How unnerving!  
  
Frog Princess Honestly! I can take this continuous flow of insults no longer. You and your fairy mind have just flown above the clouds and out of sight. I regret ever having gone to that pond where you dwell with my golden ball. Then I would not have been in this muddle that I am finding myself in now!  
  
Forget-a-lot Really, you should be hired as a comedian some day. Fairies will just look at you and burst out laughing.  
  
Frog Princess Why you little pest, you! I will get you if it's the last thing I do! (Starts chasing prince around the stage and off)  
  
Narrator (Laughing) Well, I just hope Prince Forget-a-lot does not forget that he is married. Then we would really be in a stew. I wonder if the others are doing as badly, or as forgetfully. Let us see how the Fairy Prince's real princess, Thumbelina, is doing.  
  
1.2 End of Scene I  
  
  
  
  
  
1.3 Scene ii  
  
(Luv-e-rest strolls on stage and kneels towards Thumbelina's entrance)  
  
Luv-e-rest O fairest of the fairest, my dear sweet princess, come to me! I counted the hours upon which you would return to me from the luncheon that Alice was hosting. Fair maiden, my love for you, like my heart, will go on and on...  
  
Thumbelina (Walks on stage) Have you already forgotten that I hate that song? That movie was so absurdly disgusting. Too much sentimental mush if you ask me!  
  
Luv-e-rest Alas! The course of true love never did run smooth! What is wrong darling? Don't you love my light banter? I even wrote a poem in the honor of your beauty!  
  
Thumbelina (Rolling eyes) Yeah, suuure you would write a poem, if you could remember enough vocabulary to do so!  
  
Luv-e-rest Egad! Just look at you! My heart stopped! It will not go on!  
  
Thumbelina (Laughing) That is funny. A nice way to put an end to such a stupid song.  
  
Luv-e-rest Speaking of stupid… forgive me for saying so, but have you gotten a lot shorter than the since the last time I saw you? Do not get me wrong, but even your dwarfs are giants compared to you!  
  
Thumbelina Hey, not that you think about it, you are much too tall for me. This is strange. Something is not right here. What did you say my name was?  
  
Luv-e-rest I did not. But in case you forgot… I remember it like yesterday. Your mother pricked her finger and saw the blood drop on the snow on her windowsill in the winter. It was this that made her wish for a daughter with skin white as snow, hair black as ebony, lips red as blood…ah, such sentimental beauty! Don't you think?  
  
Thumbelina Snow White! You must be Prince Luv-e-rest! I should have known. But I am not Snow White! I am Thumbelina! What is going on here? What are we going to do?  
  
Luv-e-rest Write a ballad on it?  
  
Thumbelina (Pacing back and forth) Oh will you shut up for a minute! You are worse than the Fairy Prince is! You can go and write your emotional drivel, but I am going to make sure that we are out of this mess! (Marches off stage)  
  
Luv-e-rest (Picks up a sheaf of paper and quill and writes) My… my love is like, like, a red, red, rose… (Pauses) hmmm… newly sprung in June! That is it! My love is like a red, red rose, newly sprung in June! Rose! I mean, Snow White! I mean, what was her name again? Oh, bother! (Walks after Thumbelina)  
  
Narrator Well thank god someone knows what is going on here! Can you believe the stuff that Luv-e-rest says? I sure hope that Shakespeare does not turn over in his grave after hearing all of this! Anyways, let's go look at how Snow White, also known as Tar Black to some evil people, is dealing with being placed in another story!  
  
1.4 End of scene ii  
  
  
  
  
  
1.5 scene iii  
  
(Shoes are carried on stage. Sandalman walks on stage carrying hammer in his hand and nails in his mouth. Sits down on a small stool at his small table and starts working.)  
  
Sandalman (Sound of a door banging) Princess of the Glass Slippers, back so soon? Well, good timing. Could you please pass me my shoe-glue from behind the box of platforms for Luv-e-rest's princess? He ran to me with his jumble of poems saying his princess was too small for him.  
  
  
  
Snow White (Entering stage) Shoe glue? What on earth are you talking about? You know I do not wear shoes, so what is this glass slipper business? Are you so daft? Glass slippers are impractical for wearing in the woods. Have you grown so tall that your brain has reached an altitude where thinking is out of the question?  
  
  
  
Sandalman I am not that tall… Yikes! What is this stupid goat doing here? He is eating all of my shoes!  
  
  
  
Snow White Come here Floppy-Ears. Do not eat garbage like that. Though, I think those shoes deserve it.  
  
  
  
Sandalman (Gasps) How could you say that? My shoes, garbage? Such rubbish! I thought you appreciated my talent! You wicked woman! Why, you are no worse than your stepmother is! To think, I went around the kingdom trying to find you, and here you are insulting the very thing that brought us together! Shoes!  
  
  
  
Snow White Okay, I would understand if you were obsessed with nature or even coffins, but shoes? Did it ever occur to you, my so-called darling-prince, that I was not even wearing shoes at the time you met me?  
  
  
  
Sandalman I do not get you. Really, I do not. You have some strange idea about how we met. Don't people die in coffins? Sheesh… next you will say that you have dwarfs for parents!  
  
  
  
Snow White Well, as a matter of fact, I suppose you could say that I do!  
  
  
  
Sandalman Mice for horse, horses for drivers, pumpkins for carriages, and now, dwarfs for parents! I suppose you will want a frog for a husband.  
  
  
  
Snow White (Looks astonished) My, you are one confused man… what has happened to you, you fool?  
  
  
  
Sandalman Do not ask me. Anyways, hunny, I have to go off for the Annual Cobblers' Council Meeting, so ta-ta! (Starts walking off stage)  
  
  
  
Snow White (Following him) Hey! Come back here! We need to straighten things out here! Do not walk away when I am talking to you…  
  
  
  
Narrator Well, things are getting more and more complicated, aren't they? How about seeing how the Sleeping Beauty, also called Briar Rose, is faring.  
  
  
  
1.6 End of scene iii  
  
  
  
  
  
1.7 scene iv  
  
1.7.1  
  
(Briar Rose enters stage and starts looking around for her pillow)  
  
  
  
Briar Rose Where is that stupid pillow? Oh sweet prince of mine, do come and tell me what you have done wit my fluffy, feather pillow. My friend, the Princess of the Pea is coming in an hour for a slumber party, and it would be terrible if I cannot show her my gorgeous pillow.  
  
  
  
Pucker-Lips (Looking puzzled) You called me, Your Un- Greenness? Your pillow? Since when did I know anything about your pillow? Why, you were so touchy about having me in the same room as you and eating from the same plate as you.  
  
  
  
Briar Rose I never let you eat from the same plate as me! Since when did so much distress befall our kingdom that we cannot even afford a separate meal?  
  
  
  
Pucker-Lips Well, you might be acting like you have forgotten, but I have not. Anyway, forget about that. It is time for my goodnight-kiss you promised me remember?  
  
  
  
Briar Rose How could I kiss you? You have frog lips! Anyway, I am supposed to be asleep right now. Don't you remember? I could not have promised you a kiss because you're supposed to kiss me for me to wake up! Honestly!  
  
  
  
Pucker-Lips (Sigh) What is with you and never keeping your promises? Well, never you mind, I will kiss you right now anyway.  
  
  
  
Briar Rose (Shakes finger at Pucker-Lips) You would not dare!  
  
  
  
Pucker-Lips Oh yes I would! (Starts chasing Briar rose around the stage)  
  
  
  
Briar Rose But I am supposed to be asleep before you kiss me! Don't you have any patience at all! You cannot do that! No! (Runs around throwing teddy bears at Pucker-Lips, who follows her around. Both run off stage)  
  
  
  
Narrator Well that sure was a quick ending to an unhappy story. But I do not think anyone is going to get any sleep around here. At least, not for a while. Let us see what Briar Rose's real prince is up to.  
  
  
  
1.8 end of scene iv  
  
  
  
  
  
1.9 scene v  
  
1.9.1  
  
(Rock-a-bye enters sleepily. Stumbles over all the pillows on the floor. Rapunzel is sitting on a chair brushing her hair.)  
  
  
  
Rock-a-bye (He has a lisp) Oh, my Slumbering Sweetie! I didn't take your pillow, so why must you take mine?  
  
  
  
Rapunzel Have you been drinking again? I keep warning you, if you continue your life as an alcoholic, you will not be able to be a climb-a-holic. And believe me, you need it. Look at all that puppy fat.  
  
  
  
Rock-a-bye Well, you are no basket of fruit yourself. Just look at all of that hair. Have you been to a hairdresser recently? Just imagine all those split ends, and you probably have dandruff too!  
  
  
  
Rapunzel (Walks up to him and slaps him) How dare you, you fool! I love my hair and you said you did too! As for dandruff, I use Clinic All Clear!  
  
  
  
Rock-a-bye Whatever! Maybe it is living with Fool, Freak, and Maniac, your Dad's 'obedient' little fairies that has made this unhygienic. Or maybe living in those woods, away from all signs of civilization. Scissors are not used there, are they?  
  
  
  
Rapunzel What are you blabbing? I lived with that witch in the tower, and for your information, despite how mean the witch was, she did let me read all the latest fashion magazines!  
  
  
  
Rock-a-bye Darling, surely all that hair is heating your head, because you are really out of it. You went to live with dumb, dumber, and dumbest so you could hide from the witch!  
  
  
  
Rapunzel Hide? How could I hide? She kidnapped me remember? If it were not for my mother wanting all those cabbages, maybe my hair would not have been this long. However, long hair is a fashion statement.  
  
  
  
Rock-a-bye You are kidding. Long hair is definitely out… (Falls asleep)  
  
  
  
Rapunzel No it is not! Besides, your hair is almost as long as mine is!  
  
  
  
Rock-a-bye snore…  
  
  
  
Rapunzel (Misheard the snore) What did you say? What do you mean 'no it isn't'? Have you ever seen your reflection in the mirror? (Rock-a-bye falls down asleep, Rapunzel shrieks) Someone call an ambulance! Call the police! Call the FBI! Just do something! (Two people carry away Rock-a- bye, followed by weeping Rapunzel)  
  
  
  
Narrator Well that certainly was a drowsy non-ending. I guess some of us will catch some sleep after all. Now onto our last, but not least unhappy couple.  
  
  
  
1.10 end of scene v  
  
  
  
  
  
1.11 scene vi  
  
1.11.1  
  
(Cinderella is in her tower with leaning on the wall sleeping.)  
  
Climb-a-lot (Marches on stage, kneels before the tower and stretches his arm out towards it) Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your golden hair!  
  
  
  
Cinderella (Waking up) Huh? Where am I? (Hears Climb-a- lot) Golden hair? I'm more of a dirty blonde. (Looks out of the window) I'm sorry to disappoint you, but my hair isn't made of gold, but you can see it all the same. What do you want it for anyway?  
  
  
  
Climb-a-lot (Standing up) To scale the tower of course. It is time for our daily rendezvous.  
  
  
  
Cinderella Nice to meet you and all, but haven't you ever heard of stairs?  
  
  
  
Climb-a-lot Of course I have. But that wicked witch has not. She is very traditional. She just does not like all of these 'new-fangled ideas'. She still rides on a broomstick!  
  
  
  
Cinderella I agree that my stepmother is a little mean, cruel, and maybe even evil, but isn't calling her a wicked witch going a bit too far? As for broomsticks, there is a greater possibility that you will find me on a broomstick rather than her. Pumpkins are nice too. Just as long as you have a Fairy Godmother, somewhere up your sleeve.  
  
  
  
Climb-a-lot You might think that climbing ladders of hair is queer, but I would hardly call riding a pumpkin, well normal.  
  
  
  
Cinderella You have never met a Fairy Godmother.  
  
  
  
Climb-a-lot No, and I have never met a wicked witch either, but I am quite sure I will if you do not hurry and let me climb up!  
  
  
  
Cinderella Well, if you say so. But I am afraid you will be a little disappointed. (Takes off her scrunchy or hair- tie)  
  
  
  
Climb-a-lot That is it? Why did you cut your hair? Fear not fair princess. I shall not fail in my duty to meet you at the top of the tower. But, till then, au revoir. (Walks off stage)  
  
  
  
Cinderella Same to you. Hey, where is he going? Well, I guess I should have told him that there are stairs here. Oh well, I had better go home now. I am hungry. Sandalman should have dinner ready by now. As long as it is not his Sole and 'Eel Surprise that he made last week. Yuck! (Walks off stage)  
  
  
  
Narrator Well that is that. Our princes and princesses are really in a fix. All we can do is to hope that the Fairy Godmother can set things straight. She has probably been watching the entire story through her crystal ball. Will she be able to help? Can she? Who knows? Let us wait and see.  
  
  
  
1.12 End of scene vi  
  
2 End of Act II 


	3. Act III

Act III  
  
1.1 scene  
  
(Both walk in and sit down on chairs.)  
  
Narrator Here we are, with the Fairy Godmother. I have the honor of interviewing Miss Do Good. So, Question #1, what are you planning to do?  
  
  
  
Godmother Un-mix them, of course.  
  
  
  
Narrator Well yes, I suppose you have to, but how do you plan on going about this task?  
  
  
  
Godmother Mixed feelings, my friend. I am torn between despair and absolute amusement. I have, of course, been watching all the princesses' stories through my reliable crystal ball, but I never thought that it would turn out to be this funny. That Thumbelina, she has got this mystery cracked. I would not be surprised if she turns up any moment now. I think I will make things easier for her and give her a visit right now. Toodles! (Walks off stage)  
  
  
  
Narrator Well, to every good thing, there is a bad side, and we are going to visit that bad side now. Ladies and Gentlemen, I have the dishonor of interviewing the Wicked Witch from the Haunted House on Mt. Evil.  
  
  
  
Wicked Witch (Cackling softly) How very unfortunate to see you all! Hope everyone is having a very bad day!  
  
  
  
Narrator Yes, we are, thanks to you. So, don't you feel even a little horrible about what you have done?  
  
  
  
Wicked Witch Yes, I feel bad, very bad, so bad that I could do this again, and again and again. I love being bad!  
  
  
  
Narrator Why is that? We are told that your sister Glenda the Good Witch was a doer of good. Are you the rotten bean?  
  
  
  
Wicked Witch A rotten bean? Now that is an understatement. I am worse. You know, mother always did pay more attention to that Miss Goody Two Shoes. I was always the one with the warts. Did that Glenda have warts? No! She did not even get acne! While Glenda's best friend was Miss Do Good, mine was Scrooge. Mother never did like that.  
  
  
  
Narrator We are all very sorry to hear that. However, is there no hope of you ever changing your ways?  
  
  
  
Wicked Witch Can a leopard change his spots to stripes? No. Neither can I. Anyway, it has been rotten, but I have to go now. I have mayhem to cause and people to disturb, so see you never! (Cackles and exits)  
  
  
  
Narrator Well, now that that is over with, let us go see how Alice and the Fairy Godmother handle the problems that face them.  
  
  
  
(A chair is placed on stage. Alice sits down, crying. Godmother walks on. Background is changed to Wonderland)  
  
Alice (Crying, howling, weeping, etc.) It is all my fault. If I had not invited all of them to this party, none of this would have happened. It is all my fault!  
  
Godmother Oh stop crying. What is done is done. I have got enough on my hands already. Let us try to straighten things out instead of twisting them even more. I have decided to take you to Thumbelina first since she has pretty much understood the situation already.  
  
Alice (Sniffing) Alright, let's go.  
  
Narrator Well, let us follow them to Thumbelina's oversized castle.  
  
(All exit stage. Background is changed to Castle)  
  
1.2 end of scene  
  
2 End of Act III 


	4. Act IV

Act IV  
  
1.1 scene i  
  
(Luv-e-rest paces up and down holding a rose and doing the 'loves-me, loves-me-not' thing.)  
  
Godmother Yoo hoo! Thumbelina!  
  
Luv-e-rest (Holding arm up to Godmother and Alice) Stop! In the name of Love! Before you break a heart! Who are you? What are you doing here? We have enough problems here as it is!  
  
Godmother I happen to be the Fairy Godmother and I have come to sort out your problems. Now, what is your problem?  
  
Luv-e-rest (Holds his hand up to his forehead) My poor Snow White! Someone sent her through the washer and now she is smaller than the hoof of my horse! And you have my good friend, Prince Forget-a-lot complaining that his princess has grown a few feet! What is even worse is that Snow White is calling herself something like Indexalina!  
  
Alice You mean Thumbelina?  
  
Luv-e-rest Thumbelina, Indexalina, same difference. All that matters is that she no longer knows the true language of looove. (Crosses his hands on his heart)  
  
Alice (Rolls eyes) Your point being?  
  
Godmother Never mind that, so where is she?  
  
Luv-e-rest There she is… (Points to where Thumbelina enters from)  
  
Thumbelina (Walks on stage directly to Godmother) Thank god someone sane has finally arrived! I was about to stuff that rose he has up his nose, and stuff an old sock in his mouth. Something is wrong, Fairy Godmother, definitely very wrong. Romeo here thinks I'm Snow White. I have a feeling that it is the Wicked Witch up to no good again.  
  
Godmother Yes, you are right. So, who do you suppose is in your story?  
  
Luv-e-rest Has anyone ever seen a sky so blue? Or the grass so green?  
  
Alice Can it, Bambi. No time for small talk.  
  
Godmother Well, Luv-e-rest was saying something to me about his friend, the Fairy Prince Forget-a-lot, having a princess two sizes too big for him.  
  
Thumbelina The Fairy Prince? Prince Forget-a-lot? I have not heard his name for so long… I actually miss his forgetfulness. At least he is a better Romeo than this guy over here is. Do you think I could go back to him now?  
  
Godmother Yes I think we all should go over there and sort these two couples straight. Ready to go? (Alice, Godmother, and Thumbelina walk off stage)  
  
Luv-e-rest Where are you going my fair damsels? O, woe is I, destined to a life of bachelorhood… no love to turn to, no shoulder to lean on! Alas, hark! I hear song of the wild tiki bird summoning me. I must go! As my good friend once said: Good night, good night; parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow. (Walks off stage with petal- less rose)  
  
Narrator Well, maybe there is hope left. They are off to a good start, so let us go on and see what happens in Thumbelina's story, where the Frog Princess has been placed.  
  
1.2 end of scene i  
  
  
  
1.3 scene ii  
  
1.3.1  
  
(Frog Princess is sitting in a chair fanning herself with a paper fan)  
  
  
  
Frog Princess I am going to lose it any second now, so help me!  
  
  
  
Godmother (Entering stage with others) Calm down child, we have come to set things right.  
  
  
  
Frog Princess Who are you?  
  
  
  
Alice Why, she is the Fairy Godmother.  
  
  
  
Frog Princess Pleased to meet you. Please help me!  
  
  
  
Godmother That is why we are here. You see, Frog Princess, all of you have been mixed up, and now we have to set things straight. Thumbelina, here, belongs in this story while you belong in another. You can help us by describing your prince and we can find your story.  
  
  
  
Frog Princess That is great. And here comes the Fairy Prince now!  
  
  
  
Forget-a-lot (Walks on stage and proceeds to shake their hands) Why hello there! You three must be the three stooges!  
  
  
  
Frog Princess Oh be quiet, you crazy buffoon! This here is Thumbelina, Alice, and the Fairy Godmother.  
  
  
  
Forget-a-lot Hmmm… Thumbelina, now why does that name sound familiar?  
  
  
  
Frog Princess Maybe because she is your princess, you idiot!  
  
  
  
Forget-a-lot Oh yes! (Walks over to Thumbelina and takes her by the hand) Darling, splendid to see you. And just in time too! It is time for our 7am dinner! Let us go now!  
  
  
  
Thumbelina (Turns to Alice, Godmother and Frog Princess) Thank you very much for returning me to my fairytale. I must go now, before Prince Forget-a-lot forgets how to walk, let alone fly! Good luck! (Walks off with Forget-a- lot)  
  
  
  
Godmother Well, now that that is done with, Frog Princess, can you describe your prince for me?  
  
  
  
Frog Princess Easy. He is green, lean, and not so mean. He loves to kiss, actually. In fact, he once kissed the freezer door, and his lips became attached to it. Eventually, we had to ask the three blind mice to pry his lips off. It was quite funny actually.  
  
  
  
Alice She must mean Prince Pucker-Lips. I remember her saying something about trying to kiss a duck, so I guess a freezer is not that bad.  
  
  
  
Godmother Then I suppose we have to go and find him. Frog Princess, where do you think he would be?  
  
  
  
Frog Princess Well, it is his naptime now, so he would be at home asleep… I think…  
  
  
  
Godmother Well, then we must go to your castle. (Three exit.)  
  
  
  
1.4 end of scene ii  
  
  
  
1.5 scene iii  
  
(Pucker-Lips is kissing a toy frog. Briar Rose is sleeping. Three enter stage. Frog Princess' jaw drops when she sees Pucker-Lips)  
  
  
  
Pucker-Lips Hello. I am the Frog Prince, better known as Pucker-Lips. Who are you?  
  
  
  
Godmother Er, if you do not mind, could you stop kissing that frog for a minute?  
  
  
  
Frog Princess You devil! You traitor! How dare you! Always raving about how you want to kiss me and only me, and now you go around kissing frogs which come from goodness knows where! And you! (Talking to Briar Rose who is asleep, but wakes up, rubbing eyes) How dare you take advantage of my poor innocent little Froggy, woggy!  
  
  
  
Briar Rose What is going on here? Huh? I am awake? Did someone kiss me? (Sees Pucker-Lips) Oh no! Not you again! I should not have fallen asleep! Someone call the exterminator. That frog is out of control! He is a nonstop smooching-machine!  
  
  
  
Godmother Calm down my dear. I am not an exterminator, but I can help you nonetheless. Now, if I am not mistaken, my friends Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather told me that your name was Briar Rose.  
  
  
  
Briar Rose Why, yes it is. Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather were the fairies that helped me to hide in the forest.  
  
  
  
Alice And this here is Miss Do Good, also known as the Fairy Godmother, who is a friend of your friends who are fairies like their friend here, who is my friend too, because she is helping all of you, and all of you are my friends! Isn't it exciting! We sorted out the Fairy Prince and Thumbelina, but the Frog Princess here still has a kissing problem so we brought her here so she could have her frog… I mean prince back! Well, that is, if you do not mind…  
  
  
  
Briar Rose Well, if that was English, I hardly mind, let alone care. I just want my pillow. And Rock-a-bye. He is my prince, you know.  
  
  
  
Godmother I think that is enough introductions. Now, Frog Princess, bring your prince to me please. Now, Pucker-Lips, do you believe that this princess here is your wife?  
  
  
  
Pucker-Lips (In a croaky voice to Frog Princess) Is it really you, your ungreenness?  
  
  
  
Frog Princess Oui, oui!  
  
  
  
Pucker-Lips Did you speak French? Ma chérie! (Starts kissing her hand as they walk off stage together.)  
  
  
  
Godmother Well that's that. Now, Briar Rose, what is your prince like?  
  
  
  
Briar Rose All he does is sleep.  
  
  
  
Godmother Hmm… I think I know whom you mean. I believe he is with Rapunzel.  
  
  
  
Alice You know, I think I will have another party in Wonderland after all the royal couples have been unswitched.  
  
  
  
Briar Rose (Yawning) Good idea. But make it a Coffee Party. Tea is not strong enough to keep me awake any longer. (Three exit.)  
  
  
  
1.6 end of scene iii  
  
  
  
1.7 scene iv  
  
(Rock-a-bye is dropping off to sleep. Rapunzel is brushing her hair. Three enter.)  
  
  
  
Godmother Hello there. I believe your name is Rapunzel.  
  
  
  
Rapunzel Yes, it is.  
  
  
  
Godmother (Turning to Rock-a-bye) And I believe you are with the wrong princess. Here is your real sleeping partner.  
  
  
  
Briar Rose Rock-a-bye! What have you done with my pillow! Oh never mind. Just go make me some really strong coffee, will you?  
  
  
  
Rock-a-bye You know, I think I was better off with her. (Nodding towards Rapunzel) At least she did not order me around. (Walks off stage, sulking)  
  
  
  
Briar Rose How can I thank you Miss Do Good?  
  
  
  
Godmother By going to Alice's party, of course.  
  
  
  
Briar Rose Very well. See you there, Fairy Godmother. Are our princes invited this time, Alice?  
  
  
  
Alice Most certainly! I cannot imagine a successful party without them. Well, bye Rose! (Briar Rose walks off stage)  
  
  
  
Godmother Come with me Rapunzel. I will take you to your prince. I think I know enough of your story to know where you go. At any rate, your hair will tell me more than you will. Come on! (Three exit.)  
  
  
  
1.8 end of scene iv  
  
  
  
1.9 scene v  
  
(Cinderella is sitting outside her tower. Climb-a-lot is stacking up bottles of shampoo when the three enter)  
  
Godmother Hello Cinderella! How are you doing?  
  
  
  
Cinderella (Stands up) I am thoroughly horrible Fairy Godmother. My prince insists on climbing my hair when it is much too short to climb. He insists that I grow it longer. It is bad enough having to climb the staircase in this tall tower with my glass heels.  
  
  
  
Rapunzel Cinderella, do you remember what the Wicked Witch did at Alice's party? Well this story is mine. You belong somewhere else.  
  
  
  
Cinderella Well that explains things. (Turns to Climb-a- lot, whose bottles fall down) Well, whatever your name is, it was nice meeting you. And I hope you get over your obsession with being a hair critic while climbing trees and mountains and scaling buildings.  
  
  
  
Rapunzel (Looking at Climb-a-lot) Climb-a-lot, my sweet! My hair needs your shoes in it! It misses the gentle tug of your weight from far below me! Let me enter my tower so that you may as well!  
  
  
  
Climb-a-lot Oh, goody, goody gumdrops! You are letting me climb again. Wait a minute… Yes, you are! I would know that shining hair anywhere! Who is she, though? (Pointing at Cinderella) Rapunzel, tell her to grow her hair long so I can climb it too. I already gave her some Clinic All Clear so her hair shines like yours, but it is still a disgrace.  
  
  
  
Rapunzel Come on, you. I have got to get you out of here and back where you belong. Good-bye, Cinderella! Good-bye, Alice! I will see all of you at Alice's party! (Rapunzel and Climb-a-lot exit stage)  
  
  
  
Godmother Four down, two to go. I say it is hard work, being a Fairy Godmother.  
  
  
  
Alice Come on! We have still got to take Cinderella to her hard working cobbler! (Three exit)  
  
  
  
1.10 end of scene v  
  
  
  
1.11 scene vi  
  
  
  
(Sandalman is chucking shoes at the toy goat that is supposed to be eating shoes. Snow White is sitting in her chair laughing at him and criticizing him)  
  
Sandalman My shoes! Is this a goat or a monster? He is ruining my business! Someone do something!  
  
  
  
Cinderella (Walking in with Godmother and Alice) Snow White, if you do not mind, could you call your goat to heel? Sandalman is my prince, and if you do not mind, my Fairy Godmother and Alice have come to take you to yours.  
  
  
  
Snow White It is about time. My goat is gaining a bit too much weight from all this trash.  
  
  
  
Sandalman (Throwing a shoe at Snow White) That is it! I have had it with all this garbage she has been talking! Someone take her out of here before I turn her into a nice pair of spiked heels!  
  
  
  
Snow White All right! All right, already! I am going! And good riddance too.  
  
  
  
Cinderella Thanks Fairy Godmother. Well, Snow White, I wish you luck! See you at Alice's party!  
  
  
  
Godmother Well, since you and Prince Luv-e-rest are the only remaining people, you two must belong to each other. Let us get a move on! (Three exit)  
  
  
  
1.12 end of scene vi  
  
  
  
1.13 scene vii  
  
1.13.1  
  
(Luv-e-rest is sitting on the right side of the stage, pulling the petals from another rose, occasionally writing a few words on a sheaf of paper next to him. Three enter, Snow White at the front, from the left side of the stage)  
  
Luv-e-rest (Standing and looking at Snow White when she enters) But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Snow White is the sun! See how she leans her hand upon her cheek… O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!  
  
  
  
Snow White (Runs to him) Luv-e-rest, it is you! My bundle of love and poems. How have you been without me?  
  
  
  
Luv-e-rest Snow White, my beautiful angel from paradise! You are back. I have been lamenting your disappearance and my woebegone days were filled with nothing but remorse. But upon your return, I once more find a reason to rejoice and it fills my heart with boundless joy! If music be the food of love, play on! Give me excess of it!  
  
  
  
Snow White It is great to see you too. And thank you Fairy Godmother and Alice too, for returning me to my rightful prince. (Walks off hugging Luv-e-rest)  
  
  
  
Godmother Well, that is everyone. Alice, it is time we got back.  
  
  
  
Alice Oh yes, of course. I still have to arrange my party! (Two exit)  
  
  
  
1.14 end of scene vii  
  
2 End of Act IV 


	5. Act V

Act V  
  
1.1 scene  
  
(All princesses are seated with their princes standing behind them. Alice and Godmother are on either side of the stage, standing)  
  
Narrator Well, the switches are unswitched and the Wicked Witch's diabolical scheme has been foiled. Let us now zoom into the merriment that is taking place at Alice's party in Wonderland. All the princes and princesses have gathered there to celebrate.  
  
  
  
Alice I propose a toast! To the Fairy Godmother and for everything that she has done, and for…  
  
  
  
Wicked Witch (Interrupting as she walks on stage hurriedly) Not so fast! What is going on here?  
  
  
  
Alice Oh, no you do not! You spoiled one of my parties. I am not about to let you spoil another one. (Grabs a bucket of water) My friend Dorothy told me that all evil witches with rotten hearts melt when water is dumped on them! So here you are! (Dumps water on witch)  
  
  
  
Wicked Witch (Melts when water hits her) I am melting… I am melting! (Falls in a heap on the ground)  
  
  
  
Alice She is gone! She is dead! Finished! Kaput! It is lucky I kept some water ready in case she came back!  
  
  
  
Godmother Well, we are certainly lucky she is gone, and thankfully, its one less evil witch to worry about.  
  
  
  
Alice Three cheers because the witch is dead! Hip, hip!  
  
  
  
All Hurray!  
  
  
  
Alice Hip, hip!  
  
  
  
All Hurray!  
  
  
  
Alice Hip, hip!  
  
  
  
All Hurray!  
  
  
  
Narrator (Walks in front of group, everyone pretends to talk) Well, friends, with peace restored in the fairytale land, everyone can finally live happily ever after.  
  
  
  
'When that I was and a little tiny boy  
  
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain  
  
A foolish thing was but a toy.  
  
And for the rain, it raineth every day…  
  
  
  
A great while ago the world begun  
  
With hey, ho the wind and the rain  
  
But that's all one our play is done  
  
And we'll strive to please you every day.'  
  
  
  
All And on that note, we conclude our play. We hope to see you again another day.  
  
(All line up. Bow and exit. Reenter for casting)  
  
1.2 end of scene  
  
2 End of Act V 


End file.
